Boundaries in Marriage (Participant's Guide)
This is the Participant's Guide for the Boundaries in Marriage GroupWare, a complete resource kit for groups of all sizes which will encourage the kind of spiritual and emotional growth and character development that enables marriage--within God's boundaries--to be fun,...
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This is the Participant's Guide for the Boundaries in Marriage GroupWare, a complete resource kit for groups of all sizes which will encourage the kind of spiritual and emotional growth and character development that enables marriage--within God's boundaries--to be fun, spiritually fulfilling, and growth producing.
You long for a marriage marked by lifelong love, intimacy, and growth. And it can be yours--if you set wise boundaries. Boundaries are the 'property lines' that define and protect each of you as individuals. Get them in place and you can make a good marriage better and possibly even save a less-than-satisfying one.By the time you've completed this Groupware, you will know yourself and your mate better than ever before. You'll also understand and practice the ten laws of boundaries in ways that can make a real difference in your relationship. Step by step, the Boundaries in Marriage Groupware helps you apply the biblical principles discussed in the book Boundaries in Marriage so you can--* Set and maintain your personal boundaries and respect those of your spouse* Establish values that form a godly structure and architecture for you marriage* Protect your marriage from different kinds of 'intruders'* Work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries--or work with one who doesn't
Dr. Cloud is a clinical psychologist with a unique ability to connect with his audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy-to-understand, practical advice. It is Dr. Cloud's humour, compassion, and 'in the moment' confrontation that make his approach to psychology and spirituality such a success.
He has written or co-written 19 books, including the best-selling Boundaries. His most recent books are Integrity, Necessary Endings and The Law of Happiness. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.
Dr. Cloud has appeared on numerous radio and television broadcasts and has been featured in many publications. Millions of listeners have benefited from his wit and wisdom for over a decade.
As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, he has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships - marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.
In his consulting practice, he works with leaders of organisations and corporations, from family-held firms to Fortune 25 companies and non-profit organisations. With his extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organisational and leadership consultant, he speaks regularly at corporate and leadership events held across the United States and internationally.
Dr. Cloud co-founded a health-care company that operated treatment centres in 35 cities in the Western United States; he served as Clinical Co-Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he researched and developed many of the treatment methods and principles he communicates to audiences today. Since then, he has devoted his time to spreading principles of hope and life change through speaking, writing, and the media. His books have sold over four million copies.
He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, having earned a BS in psychology with honours. He completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as Third World missions and development. He serves on the board of the Los Angeles Mission, a rescue mission on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.
Dr. Cloud is an avid golfer and enjoys boating, deep sea fishing and scuba diving. He lives in Los Angeles.
Dr. John Townsend (Psy.D., Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology) is a psychologist, popular speaker, radio host and the bestselling author and co-author of numerous books, including the Gold Medallion award-winning Boundaries and God Will Make a Way. He is co-founder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic in Southern California.
- Love Is Not Enough . . .7
- Session 1
- What's A Boundary, Anyway? . . . .9
- Session 2
- Applying The Ten Laws Of Boundaries To Marriage . .23
- Session 3
- Setting Boundaries With Yourself .37
- Session 4
- Values One And Two: Love Of God And Love Of Spouse . . . .57
- Session 5
- Values Three And Four: Honesty And Faithfulness . . .71
- Session 6
- Values Five And Six:
- Compassion And Forgiveness, And Holiness . . .85
- Session 7
- Resolving Conflict In Marriage . .99
- Session 8
- Some Warning Signs To Help Your Marriage .123
Session One What 's a Boundary, Anyway? OVERVIEW In this session, you will * See that love, freedom, and responsibility are necessary ingredients if a marriage is to grow and thrive. * Define 'boundaries,' look at examples of boundaries, and consider their importance. * Recognize that you are responsible for your feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within your boundaries. VIDEO SEGMENT Stephanie's Story * Freedom, responsibility, and love---something incredible happens as these three ingredients of relationship work together. * Stephanie was suffering from the emotional distance that being on the wrong side of a one-sided relationship creates. * Stephanie realized that there was really very little of her in the marriage. She had adapted to her husband and had complied with him so much that she could no longer even remember what it felt like to be herself. * Stephanie realized that she could not blame Steve for her loss of herself. She was the one who, afraid of conflict, had complied with his wishes. She had to take ownership of her passivity. * Stephanie took responsibility for her own misery and began to work on it in the relationship. She didn't---as many people do---leave the relationship to 'find herself.' * As Stephanie took ownership and responsibility for her life, Steve was forced to take responsibility for his own, and their marriage improved. * Steve also learned to love Stephanie's freedom. He began to be attracted by her independence instead of threatened by it. TIME FOR THOUGHT A Look in the Mirror DIRECTIONS You will be doing this exercise on your own. Take 5 minutes to answer the questions below and reflect on your own marriage. 1. What, if anything, did you see of yourself and your marriage in Stephanie's situation? 2. If you were Stephanie, what could you do to improve your marriage? 3. If you were Steve, what would you want Stephanie to do to let you know that she is drifting away from you? 4. Why are you taking this Boundaries in Marriage course? What do you hope to learn? VIDEO SEGMENT Love, Freedom, and Responsibility * Marriage is about love. But while love is indeed at the heart of marriage, it is not enough. * The marriage relationship needs freedom and responsibility to grow and thrive. *When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies. * When two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling. * This course is about promoting love, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you develop love through providing a better environment for it: one of freedom and responsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in. They promote love by protecting individuals. TIME TO TALK Love, Freedom, and Responsibility DIRECTIONS With your spouse, turn to another couple near you and take 10 minutes to share your answers to the three questions listed below. 1. Marriage is about being bound together by the care, need, companionship, and values of two people, which can overcome hurt, immaturity, and selfishness to form something better than what each person alone can produce. Love is at the heart of marriage, as it is at the heart of God himself (1 John 4:16). When have you seen or perhaps even experienced the partnership of marriage being 'something better than what each person alone can produce'? Give a specific example. 2. When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies. * Why does genuine love allow the freedom to disagree? *What fears come into play when people are not free to disagree---and why do those fears cause love to die? 3. When two people together take responsibility to do what is best for their marriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomes self-centered or controlling. What, if anything, do you see about yourself, your marriage, and/or marriage in general when you look through the lens this statement offers? VIDEO SEGMENT Boundaries in Marriage * For intimacy in marriage to develop and grow, there must be boundaries. A boundary is a property line. It denotes the beginning and the end of something. * If I know where the boundaries are in our relation-ship, I know who 'owns' things such as feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. I know to whom they 'belong.' And if there is a problem with one of those, I know to whom the problem belongs as well. *A relationship like marriage requires each partner to have a sense of ownership of himself or herself. The first way in which clarifying boundaries helps us is to define where one person ends and the other begins. What is the problem, and where is it? Is it in you, or is it in me? If we can see that the problem is our problem and that we are responsible for it, then we are in the driver's seat of change. * Three realities have existed since the beginning of time: freedom, responsibility, and love. God created us free. He gave us responsibility for our freedom. As responsible free agents, we are told to love him and each other. *When spouses are free to not react to each other, each takes responsibility for his or her own issues and loves the other person even when he or she does not deserve it. Free from each other's control, each gives love to the other freely, and that love transforms the individuals and produces growth in their marriage.