Boundaries With Kids: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives (Workbook)
What the Award-Winning Boundaries Has Done for Adult Relationships, Boundaries with Kids Will Do for You and Your ChildrenThis workbook helps you put the principles detailed in Boundaries with Kids to work in your family. Here at last is the...
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What the Award-Winning Boundaries Has Done for Adult Relationships, Boundaries with Kids Will Do for You and Your ChildrenThis workbook helps you put the principles detailed in Boundaries with Kids to work in your family. Here at last is the help you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend take you through the ins and outs of establishing family boundaries and cultivating sound character in your children. The clear, helpful exercises and applications in the Boundaries with Kids Workbook will help you make the leap from understanding to* identifying the boundary issues underlying child behavior problems* setting boundaries and establishing consequences with your kids* getting out of the "nagging" trap* relinquishing control and helping your child develop self-control instead* applying the ten laws of boundaries to parenting* taking six practical steps for implementing boundaries with your kidsStep
1. The Future Is Now 2. What Does Character Look Like? 3. Kids Need Parents With Boundaries 4. What Will Happen If I Do This? 5. Pulling My Own Wagon 6. I Can't Do It All, But I'm Not Helpless, Either 7. I'm Not the Only One Who Matters 8. Life Beyond Because I'm The Mommy 9. Pain Can Be A Gift 10. Tantrums Needn't Be Forever 11. I Am Happier When I Am Thankful 12. Jump-Starting My Engine 13. Honesty Is The Best Policy 14. Roll Up Your Sleeves 160 Pages
Dr. Cloud is a clinical psychologist with a unique ability to connect with his audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy-to-understand, practical advice. It is Dr. Cloud's humour, compassion, and 'in the moment' confrontation that make his approach to psychology and spirituality such a success.
He has written or co-written 19 books, including the best-selling Boundaries. His most recent books are Integrity, Necessary Endings and The Law of Happiness. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.
Dr. Cloud has appeared on numerous radio and television broadcasts and has been featured in many publications. Millions of listeners have benefited from his wit and wisdom for over a decade.
As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, he has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships - marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.
In his consulting practice, he works with leaders of organisations and corporations, from family-held firms to Fortune 25 companies and non-profit organisations. With his extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organisational and leadership consultant, he speaks regularly at corporate and leadership events held across the United States and internationally.
Dr. Cloud co-founded a health-care company that operated treatment centres in 35 cities in the Western United States; he served as Clinical Co-Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he researched and developed many of the treatment methods and principles he communicates to audiences today. Since then, he has devoted his time to spreading principles of hope and life change through speaking, writing, and the media. His books have sold over four million copies.
He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, having earned a BS in psychology with honours. He completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as Third World missions and development. He serves on the board of the Los Angeles Mission, a rescue mission on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.
Dr. Cloud is an avid golfer and enjoys boating, deep sea fishing and scuba diving. He lives in Los Angeles.
Dr. John Townsend (Psy.D., Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology) is a psychologist, popular speaker, radio host and the bestselling author and co-author of numerous books, including the Gold Medallion award-winning Boundaries and God Will Make a Way. He is co-founder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic in Southern California.
- Before We Start . . .
- Part 1: Why Kids Need Boundaries
- 1. The Future Is Now
- 2. What Does Character Look Like?
- 3. Kids Need Parents With Boundaries
- Part 2: Ten Boundary Principles Kids Need To Know
- 4. What Will Happen If I Do This?
- The Law Of Sowing And Reaping
- 5. Pulling My Own Wagon
- The Law Of Responsibility
- 6. I Can't Do It All, But I'm Not Helpless, Either
- The Law Of Power
- 7. I'm Not The Only One Who Matters
- The Law Of Respect
- 8. Life Beyond 'because I'm The Mommy'
- The Law Of Motivation
- 9. Pain Can Be A Gift
- The Law Of Evaluation
- 10. Tantrums Needn't Be Forever
- The Law Of Proactivity
- 11. I Am Happier When I Am Thankful
- The Law Of Envy
- 12. Jump-starting My Engine
- The Law Of Activity
- 13. Honesty Is The Best Policy
- The Law Of Exposure
- Part 3: Implementing Boundaries With Kids
- 14. Roll Up Your Sleeves
- The Six Steps To Implementing Boundaries With Your Kids
Chapter 1 The Future Is Now * I (Dr. Cloud) was surprised to find Allison cleaning her fourteen-year-old son's room. When I said, 'I just feel sorry for Cameron's future wife,' Allison straightened up, froze for a moment, and then hurried from the room. After a few moments, she looked at me and said, 'I've never thought about it that way.' --- In what ways might you, like Allison, be parenting in the present without thinking about the future? --- What can you do to keep an eye on the future? * A person's character is one's destiny. A person's character (his abilities and inabilities, his moral makeup, his functioning in relationships, and how he does tasks) largely determines how he will function in life (whether he does well in love and in work). --- Look in the mirror. How has your character --- your strengths as well as your weaknesses --- determined how you have functioned in life? In love? In work? --- What are some of the character strengths and weaknesses you already see in your children? * If a person's character makeup determines his future, then child rearing is primarily about helping children to develop character that will take them through life safely, securely, productively, and joyfully. A major goal of raising children is to help them develop the character that will make their future go well. --- What character traits have served you well in your adult years? What do you remember your parents and other significant adults doing to encourage those traits? --- Had they been strengthened as you were growing up, what character traits would have benefited you in your adult years? What are you doing to strengthen those traits now? * What wake-up call does Allison's experience offer you? As you consider your child's future, what element of your parenting (if any) do you now recognize as sowing seeds for character weakness? The future is now. When you are a parent, you help create a child's future. The patterns children establish early in life (their character) they will live out later. And character is always formed in relationship. We can't overestimate your role in developing this character. As Proverbs says, 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it' (22:6). Preventive Medicine (page 16)* * From our own experience and that of our audiences and readers, one thing became obvious to us. Adults with boundary problems had not developed those problems as grownups. They had learned patterns early in life and then continued those out-of-control patterns in their adult lives, where the stakes were higher. --- Review the list of boundary problems found on pages 16 -- 17. Which of them, if any, have been problems for you during your adult years? --- What seeds for these out-of-control patterns in your adult life do you see as you look back on your childhood? * Parents began to ask for this book. They knew the pain they had been through and did not want their children to go through the same kind of learning curve. Basically, they wanted answers to three questions. 1. How do I teach boundaries to children? 2. How do I enforce my own boundaries with my children in appropriate ways? 3. How can I ensure that my children will not have the problems with boundaries that I have had? --- Which of these three questions states your greatest concern? --- What other questions, if any, do you hope to have answered by Boundaries with Kids? We want to help you answer your questions and help your children develop the character that will lead them into the life that God created them to have. Children Are Not Born with Boundaries (page 17) A boundary is a 'property line' that defines a person; it defines where one person ends and someone else begins. If we know where a person's boundaries are, we know what we can expect this person to take control of: himself or herself. We can require responsibility in regard to feelings, behaviors, and attitudes. * A child needs to know where she begins, what she needs to take responsibility for, and what she does not need to take responsibility for. If she grows up in relationships where she is confused about her own boundaries (what she is responsible for) and about others' boundaries (what they are responsible for), she does not develop the self-control that will enable her to steer through life successfully. --- What relationships during your childhood, if any, caused you confusion about your boundaries, and what you were really responsible for? --- What relationships, if any, in your children's life might be causing them confusion about their boundaries and about what they are really responsible for? * Children internalize boundaries from external relationships and discipline. In order for children to learn who they are and what they are responsible for, their parents have to have clear boundaries with them and relate to them in ways that help them learn their own boundaries. --- What might your child be learning about boundaries from their significant external relationships? From the kinds of discipline they receive? --- How clear are your boundaries? Chapter 3 --- 'Kids Need Parents with Boundaries' --- will help, but the Boundaries book and workbook would be a great help, too. When boundaries are clear, children develop a well-defined sense of who they are and what they are responsible for; the ability to choose; the understanding that if they choose well, things will go well and if they choose poorly, they will suffer; and the possibility of true love based in freedom. Self-control, responsibility, freedom, and love --- what could be a better outcome of parenting than that?