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Love Talk

Hardback|Sep 2004
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A breakthrough discovery in communication for transforming love relationshipsOver and over couples consistently name "improved communication" as the greatest need in their relationships. Love Talk--by acclaimed relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott--is a deep yet simple plan full of...


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A breakthrough discovery in communication for transforming love relationshipsOver and over couples consistently name "improved communication" as the greatest need in their relationships. Love Talk--by acclaimed relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott--is a deep yet simple plan full of new insights that will revolutionize communication in love relationships.The first steps to improving this single most important factor in any marriage or love relationship are to identify your fear factors and determine your personal communication styles, and then learn how the two of you can best interact. In this no-nonsense book, "psychobabble" is translated into easy-to-understand language that clearly teaches you what you need to do--and not do--for speaking each other's language like you never have before.Love Talk includes: -The Love Talk Indicator, a free personalized online assessment (a $30.00 value) to help you determine your unique talk style-The Secret to Emotional Connection-Chart
-Publisher

Love Talk Copyright 2004 by Les and Leslie Parrott This title is also available as a Zondervan audio product. Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information. Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Parrott, Les. Love talk : speak each other's language like you never have before / Les and Leslie Parrott. -1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-310-24596-6 (hardcover) 1. Man-woman relationships-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Interpersonal communication -Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Love-Religious aspects-Christianity. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964- II. Title. BT705.8.P37 2004 306.7-dc22 2004012528 This edition printed on acid-free paper. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Published in association with INJOY, Inc., Duluth, Georgia. Interior design by Michelle Espinoza Printed in the United States of America 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 /.DC/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 chapter one CAN WE TALK? Why We Wrote This Book Life is deep and simple, and what our society gives us is shallow and complicated. Fred Rogers We talk a lot about talking. In nearly every conceivable corner of North America and in several places around the world, Les and I have demonstrated techniques and tools for improving a couple's communication. And it would be impossible to add up the number of times a couple has come into our counseling office after a communication meltdown and given us the common refrain: "We just don't communicate." To say we talk a lot about talking is no understatement. In fact, we talk so much about it that we have been asked on numerous occasions by counselees, seminar attendees, and publishers why we have never written a book on communication. And our answer has remained the same: because there are already many good books out there, and until we have something groundbreaking to say on the subject, we don't feel compelled to write about it. After all, we were doing our best in our own marriage to put into practice the principles and techniques other experts had proposed. Truthfully, we weren't always doing it well either. And even when we did, we often found ourselves wanting something more-something deeper that would connect our spirits. Isn't that the goal of becoming soul mates? Communication with the one you love is more than the mere exchange of words, even if done with elegant skill. Communication, if used to full advantage, holds the promise of bringing soul mates together at a level so profound that anyone on the outside can never truly comprehend it. So we set off to crack the code for meaningful conversation. We wanted to learn the combination for using communication to help us speak each other's language like we never had before. At least, that's the way Les puts it. I think of it more as uncovering some of the deep mystery of male-female relationships-knowing this relationship is too complex and multifaceted to be codified. Of course, we'll get to our differing
-Publisher

PRODUCT DETAIL

Leslie Parrott

Dr. Leslie Parrott is a marriage and family therapist and codirector with her husband, Dr. Les Parrott, of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. She is the author of God Made You Nose to Toes and The First Drop of Rain, and co-author with her husband of several bestselling books, including The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring, Relationships, Love Talk, and the Gold Medallion Award-winner, Saving Your Marriage before It Starts. Leslie is a columnist for Today's Christian Woman and has been featured on Oprah, CBS Morning, CNN, and The View, and in USA Today and the New York Times. www.RealRelationships.com
Koorong -Editorial Review.

Les Parrott

Les Parrott is founder of the Centre for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University and the best-selling author of HIGH-MAINTENANCE RELATIONSHIPS, THE CONTROL FREAK, and LOVE TALK. Dr. Parrott is a sought after speaker to Fortune 500 companies and holds relationship seminars across North America. He also hosts the US national radio broadcast 'Love Talk.' Dr Parrott has been featured in 'USA Today', 'the Wall Street Journal', and 'the New York Times'. His television appearances include CNN, Good Morning America, and Oprah.- Publisher.

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  • Contents
  • Acknowledgments 11
  • Prologue: Charting Your Conversational Course 13
  • Part One: Let's Talk About Talking
  • 1. Can We Talk?why We Wrote This Book 21
  • 2. Relational Lifeblood: 25 Why Communication Is Vital To Your Love Life
  • 3. Communication 101: 37 Brushing Up On The Basics
  • 4. The Foundation Of Every 49 Great Conversation: Uncovering Your Fear Factor
  • Part Two: How You Say The Things You Do
  • 5. How Do You Tackle Problems? 63 Aggressively Or Passively
  • 6. How Do You Influence Each Other? 71 With Feelings Or Facts
  • 7. How Do You React To Change? 81 With Resistance Or Acceptance
  • 8. How Do You Make Decisions? 89 Cautiously Or Spontaneously
  • 9. Your Unique Talk Style: 95 Taking The Love Talk Indicator
  • Part Three: Enjoying Love Talk
  • 10.talking A Fine Line: 101 The Secret To Emotional Connection
  • 11. Men Analyze, Women Sympathize: 111 Now It Makes Sense
  • 12. Listening With The Third Ear: 121 Can You Hear Me Now?
  • 13.when Not To Talk: 137 The Paradox Of Every Relationship
  • 14.let's Talk Love: 147
  • The Most Important Conversation You'll Ever Have
  • Epilogue: The Ultimate Message Of Love Talk 161
  • Appendix A: Practical Help For The Silent Partner 163
  • Appendix B: A Sample Report From The Love Talk Indicator 171
  • Notes 183
  • About The Authors 187

Love Talk chapter one CAN WE TALK? Why We Wrote This Book Life is deep and simple, and what our society gives us is shallow and complicated. Fred Rogers We talk a lot about talking. In nearly every conceivable corner of North America and in several places around the world, Les and I have demonstrated techniques and tools for improving a couple's communication. And it would be impossible to add up the number of times a couple has come into our counseling office after a communication meltdown and given us the common refrain: 'We just don't communicate.' To say we talk a lot about talking is no understatement. In fact, we talk so much about it that we have been asked on numerous occasions by counselees, seminar attendees, and publishers why we have never written a book on communication. And our answer has remained the same: because there are already many good books out there, and until we have something groundbreaking to say on the subject, we don't feel compelled to write about it. After all, we were doing our best in our own marriage to put into practice the principles and techniques other experts had proposed. Truthfully, we weren't always doing it well either. And even when we did, we often found ourselves wanting something more---something deeper that would connect our spirits. Isn't that the goal of becoming soul mates? Communication with the one you love is more than the mere exchange of words, even if done with elegant skill. Communication, if used to full advantage, holds the promise of bringing soul mates together at a level so profound that anyone on the outside can never truly comprehend it. So we set off to crack the code for meaningful conversation. We wanted to learn the combination for using communication to help us speak each other's language like we never had before. At least, that's the way Les puts it. I think of it more as uncovering some of the deep mystery of male-female relationships---knowing this relationship is too complex and multifaceted to be codified. Of course, we'll get to our differing styles of word choice and metaphor (as well as yours) later on in this book. The point is that for more than a decade we have been on the lookout for this seemingly illusive secret---something we both longed for. We were determined not to get sidetracked by anything shallow or complicated. We were in pursuit of a deep and simple plan that would move our communication from good to great. If we discovered a new technique or a clever method along the way, we took note, but new techniques were not our primary goal. We wanted to get to the heart of the matter. We wouldn't settle for a mere handful of golden nuggets; we were in search of the mother lode. We wanted to find the means to becoming more understanding and better understood. We were in pursuit of the secret that would unlock a full supply of the very lifeblood of a meaningful relationship. And we found it. The book you hold in your hands is the result of many years of research, and it will show you exactly what we discovered: a deep and simple plan for everything a loving conversation has to offer. We call it Love Talk. What's the Goal? Allow us to come alongside you for a moment and imagine where you are. You may be at the beginning stages of a dating relationship or on the edge of commitment, about to be engaged. You may be in the first few years of your marriage, or you may have decades under your belt. You may be in a second marriage, struggling to blend a family. Perhaps you're in a small group with other couples or a class that's dedicated to improving your love life. Wherever you find yourself at the moment, we want you to know that we have written and rewritten these words with you in mind. We have reviewed each chapter, each paragraph, while putting ourselves, as best we can, in your place. We want this book to be an effective tool for any and every couple who wants to find a better way of speaking each other's language. We want you to thoroughly understand one another and your specific communication styles. We don't want to simply hand off a few new techniques you can try on for a while to see if they work; we want to give you an experience that will take you to a new level of communication, deeper for you than it has ever been before. After reading this book, we want you to enjoy the incomparable comfort of saying what's on your mind and revealing what's in your heart. We are going to give you a means for communicating like you never have before. So with this goal in mind, we want to give you our first challenge. After working with many couples, we have come to believe with great conviction that you are far more likely to improve your situation and meet your personal goals for communication if you clearly articulate them. That's why we want to encourage you---right now---to take just a few minutes to write down a sentence or two describing your personal goal in reading this book. How would you like your communication to be different as a result of the time you will spend with us in these pages? Make it specific and concrete. For example, if you are dating, you may want to have a conversation that allows you to talk freely about a difficult topic that has been on your heart. Or if you are married, you may want to be able to talk to each other about disciplining your children without having a heated debate. Or maybe you simply want to enjoy a leisurely conversation over dinner together three days a week. You get the point. The first Love Talk Workbook exercise will give you a helpful structure for noting your goals and show you more specifically how you can chart your progress. All the exercises we will be pointing you to in this book are found in the accompanying Love Talk workbooks---one workbook for men and another for women, so you can complete the exercises independently and then discuss them. These workbooks are available at your local bookstore or at www.RealRelationships.com. Exercise 1: Getting Where You Want to Go Before moving further into this chapter, we urge you to take inventory of where you are and where you want to be. This initial workbook exercise will set the stage for the work you do in chapters to come. We have deliberately whittled this book down to a manageable size. We aren't interested in overloading you with information and don't want you to get bogged down or weary along the way. So we're shooting straight: once you and your partner discover the secret of Love Talk, we believe your conversations will never be the same.

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