Mom, Everyone Else Does!
Help Your Daughter Resist Peer Pressure- Even When You're Not Around. A national survey in 2001 indicated that in the U.S. one-fourth of the high school seniors have problems with drugs and alcohol, nearly two-thirds of teenagers experiment with...
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Help Your Daughter Resist Peer Pressure-
Even When You're Not Around.
A national survey in 2001 indicated that in the U.S. one-fourth of the high school seniors have problems with drugs and alcohol, nearly two-thirds of teenagers experiment with drugs before finishing high school, and fifty-six percent of seventeen-year-olds know at least one drug dealer at school. Studies also indicate that when a girl chooses to use substances, peer pressure is the biggest reason why.
Many parents believe the best they can do is to teach their daughters right from wrong and hope for the best. But there is more that you can do. Because while peer pressure may be the biggest influence for girls who choose to use substances, parental involvement is the single most important factor for those who decide not to.
The dangers of substance abuse can actually bring you and your daughter closer.
Whether you want to help your daughter resist the overwhelming pressures to drink, smoke, and use drugs; have discovered or suspect that your daughter may be using substances; or want to help her develop a strong and positive identity in response to negative peer pressure, this book shows how the lure of today's teen "party" culture puts you in your most powerful position ever to connect with and influence your daughter.
Praise for “Mom, Everyone Else Does!” “Real issues, true stories, and wise advice by a counselor and mom who’s “been there.” If you have a teenage daughter, RUN buy “Mom, Everyone Else Does!”. The mother-daughter questions throughout each chapter are worth the price of the whole book!” –Susan Alexander Yates, author of And Then I Had Teenagers: Encouragement for Parents of Teens and Preteens “My wife and I have been raised by two daughters and one son, and each struggled with the power of peer pressure. For that matter, we do too. The perspective of one’s community is a powerful force for good or ill, and this book is an honest and wise walk through the minefield of adolescent temptation. Sharon Hersh is the guide I’d most want to help me name the war and encourage me to live well in the face of the struggle. She has walked the same miles with her children, and as a brilliant therapist she has guided others like us with bold love and fierce compassion. If you have daughters or sons, this is wisdom you cannot afford to miss.” –Dan B. Allender Ph.D., President, Mars Hill Graduate School and author of The Wounded Heart, Bold Love, How Children Raise Parents, and To Be Told “Sharon Hersh, a trusted counselor, author, and mother, offers a wise, courageous, and practical guide for connecting and shaping the hearts of mothers and their daughters. If you are a mother of a teenage girl, this book will change you and your relationship.” –Scott Coupland, Associate Professor of Counseling, Reformed Theological Seminary “I read everything Sharon Hersh writes. As the director of a large Christian counseling agency, I make her books a standard resource. In "Mom, Everyone Else Does!" Hersh dispels the myth of protection Christian parents cling to and helps us confront the realities of today’s addiction-prone world. By speaking to both moms and daughters, Sharon seeks to build a strong relationship in sound, practical ways that work. When it comes to teenage peer pressure, this book will help you become your daughter’s strongest ally!” –Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D., Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and Founder of The Center for Counseling & Health Resources, Inc.
Help Your Daughter Resist Peer Pressure-^Even When You're Not Around. ^A national survey in 2001 indicated that in the U.S. one-fourth of the high school seniors have problems with drugs and alcohol, nearly two-thirds of teenagers experiment with drugs before finishing high school, and fifty-six percent of seventeen-year-olds know at least one drug dealer at school. Studies also indicate that when a girl chooses to use substances, peer pressure is the biggest reason why. ^Many parents believe the best they can do is to teach their daughters right from wrong and hope for the best. But there "is" more that you can do. Because while peer pressure may be the biggest influence for girls who choose to use substances, parental involvement is the single most important factor for those who decide "not" to. ^The dangers of substance abuse can actually bring you and your daughter closer. ^Whether you want to help your daughter resist the overwhelming pressures to drink, smoke, and
1. Chapter 1 A Call to Courage Suddenly all of the statistics and stories come home literally. Even if your daughter does not smoke, drink, or use drugs, many of her friends do, and that means she is impacted by substance use. As you read the statistics and stories about substance use, what are you most afraid of? Why? 2. Have you believed that substance abuse is something that happens to other people? What makes you and your family immune? What makes you vulnerable? 3. One thing is certain: Help for girls who abuse substances is found among women who understand the unique female vulnerability to drugs and alcohol and who live authentically powerful lives that model how to say no to the overwhelming peer pressure teens face. Do you trust yourself in mothering a girl facing peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol? Why? Why not? 4. How would a change in perspective believing you are the perfect mother for your daughter change your mothering? What makes you and your daughter a "good match" for one another? What makes you feel like you are not a good match? 5. Hand-in-hand mothering is simply a willingness to learn as many ways as you can of responding to your daughter out of a heart filled with limitless love for her. Talk about your willingness to learn and grow as a mother. What kind of mother do you long to be? Share some of your heart's longings for your daughter. Ask another mother to pray for you specifically with regard to one of your longings. 6. Do you see mothering in the midst of peer pressure a holy calling? How have you viewed mothering? Calling? Duty? Burden? Privilege? How did your mother view mothering? How do the people in your sphere of influence view mothering? What would change in your heart if you viewed mothering in the midst of the unique challenges of adolescence as a holy calling? 7. How does your view of the teenage challenges of peer pressure impact your mothering? 8. Chapter 2 Becoming Your Daughter's Ally However you characterize your mothering, one helpful way to evaluate it is to notice where you place yourself in relationships to your daughter. After reading about the mothering styles from above, beneath, at a distance, and hovering, what do you think is your primary mothering style? Share some of your favorite motherisms. What do you like about your style of mothering? What would you like to change? 9. Do challenges with regard to drugs and alcohol use change your mothering style? How? Why? 10. But don't forget the final resting place for the hand-in-hand mom is in your relationship with God. Do you believe that God stands above you, judging and condemning you? How might this perspective affect your mothering? 11. Do you believe that God is beneath you, unable to help in the overwhelming problems of your life? How might this belief influence your mothering? 12. Do you believe that God is distant unmoved by your needs and struggles? How might this belief translate into your mothering? 13. Do you believe that God is hovering to immediately undo our misdeeds or take over? How might this perspective of God influence your mothering? 14. Chapter 3 You, Your Daughter, and the Peer-Pressure Cooker Peer pressure is a power that overrides family values, disregards legal consequences, and pulls at every teenager in America. How does the power of peer influence make you feel? Afraid? Angry? Hopeless? Why? 15. How do you feel you compare to your daughter's peers? What could make your influence more attractive? More powerful? 16. Girls are especially susceptible to peer pressure. What have been some of your daughter's response to peer pressure? What have been some of yours? How did you respond to your daughter's behaviors? How did she respond to your response? 17. The longing to be cool and the willingness to drink or use drugs to obtain cool status reveal a need to be special. What response does the previous sentence provoke in you? Talk about ways at different ages that your daughter has demonstrated a need to be special. Brainstorm about some ways that you can offer your daughter affirmation and support that tells her that you think she's special. 18. Adolescents use drugs and alcohol for a number of complex reasons, but there is one reason that permeates them all: Teenagers want to belong. What are some ways that your daughter has tried to belong? What are some ways that you have tried to belong? 19. Talk about some ways that you can offer an open heart, mind, and home to your daughter? Pray together that you will be able to give these important gifts of belonging to your daughters and that they will receive them. 20. Of all the factors related to peer pressure, the most powerful one is the hunger to feel okay with oneself. What contributes to your daughter's self-esteem? What diminishes it? What contributes to your self-esteem? What diminishes it? 21. Have you believed that others were responsible for your self-esteem? What is your response to the idea that you have to give self-esteem to yourself? 22. How can you help your daughter look for and develop her own self-esteem? 23. Chapter 4 Entering Your Daughter's World Moments of truth you might not feel brave, but ignorance will certainly not give you greater courage. Once you are not afraid to know what is going on, you will be ready to look at why it's going on. How have you been afraid or ignorant of the adolescent culture and the pressure to use drugs and alcohol? How has your daughter been impacted by your perspective? 24. Confronting the truth about drugs and alcohol in the adolescent world and cultivating compassion for the meaning behind the substance use is a powerful combination of truth and empathy. Talk about your response to the previous sentence. What has kept you from being compassionate toward teenagers? Toward your daughter? How do you respond to people who are not empathetic with you? How do you respond to people who empathize with you? 25. A mother who wants to be her daughter's ally in confronting and overcoming the temptations to use alcohol and drugs must be willing to hang in there. What tempts you to give up on your daughter? What inspires you to hang in there? 26. Talk about ways that you can encourage one another when the going gets tough. 27. Do you believe that your daughter needs you to confront and overcome peer pressure? Why? Why not? 28. How can you demonstrate your commitment to your daughter no matter what? 29. Rather than throwing our hands up in despair over the power of peer pressure or locking your daughter in her room until she turns twenty-one, you can respond to the reality of peer influence in ways that can strengthen your relationship with your daughter rather than tear it apart. Do you take your daughter's bond with her peers personally? If so, how can you check yourself and stop doing this? Share some of the positive peer influences you've seen in your daughter's life. If there are none, how could you help her to meet more positive peers? How have your daughter's peers influenced her attitude about substance use? Is
Sharon A. Hersh M.A., LPC is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and author. She has written several books, including the popular Bravehearts: Unlocking the Courage to Love with Abandon. She has written four books in the Hand-in-Hand Parenting series including, Mom, I Feel Fat!, Mom, I Hate my Life!, Mom, Everyone Else Does!, and Mom, Sex is NO Big Deal!. Her most recent book is The Last Addiction: Why Self-Help is Not Enough. She is an adjunct professor in graduate counseling courses, including Sex and Sexuality and Addiction at Colorado Christian University, Mars Hill Graduate School