The Surrendered Wife
This controversial approach to marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.^Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be...
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This controversial approach to marriage has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance, harmony, and the intimacy they crave.^Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew -- and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it.^When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back.^The underlying principle of "The Surrendered Wife" is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. Laura Doyle's model for matrimony shows women how they can both express their needs and have them met while also respecting their husband's choices. When they do, they revitalize intimacy.^Compassionate and p
Introduction "To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -- ANNA LOUISE STRONG WHY WOULD A WOMAN SURRENDER? When I was newly married at twenty-two, I had no idea I would ever call myself a surrendered wife. At that time, the very phrase would have repulsed me. I did know that marriage was risky because I had watched my parents go through a brutal divorce. Still, I was hopeful that I could do better. I was amazed that my husband, John, could love me as much as he did, and part of me believed we could make our marriage work simply because it was born of so much goodness. At first our marriage was blissful. Then, I started to see John's imperfections more glaringly, and I began correcting him. It was my way of helping him to improve. From my point of view, if he would just be more ambitious at work, more romantic at home, and clean up after himself, everything would be fine. I told him as much. He didn't respond well. And, it's no wonder. What I was really trying to do was control John. The harder I pushed, the more he resisted, and we both grew irritable and frustrated. While my intentions were good, I was clearly on the road to marital hell. In no time I was exhausted from trying to run my life and his. Even worse, I was becoming estranged from the man who had once made me so happy. Our marriage was in serious trouble and it had only been four years since we'd taken our vows. My loneliness was so acute I was willing to try anything to cure it. I went to therapy, where I learned that I often used control as a defense. I read John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which gave me some understanding of the different ways men and women communicate and approach life. I talked to other women to find out what worked in their marriages. One friend told me she let her husband handle all of the finances, and what a relief that was for her. Another one told me she tried never to criticize her husband, no matter how much he seemed to deserve it. I decided I would try to follow in these women's footsteps as an "experiment" in my marriage. I desperately wanted to save the relationship, and I also hoped to rescue my self-respect, which was fading with each episode of anger and frustration I unleashed on John. Little did I know that I was taking the first baby steps in surrendering and that doing so would renew our marital tranquility and my self-respect. Today I call myself a surrendered wife because when I stopped trying to control the way John did everything and started trusting him implicitly, I began to have the marriage I've always dreamed of. The same thing will happen to you if you follow the principles in this book. None of us feels good about ourselves when we're nagging, critical, or controlling. I certainly didn't. The tone of my voice alone would make me cringe with self-recrimination. Through surrendering, you will find the courage to gradually stop indulging in these unpleasant behaviors and replace them with dignified ones. You will also have more time and energy to focus on what's most important to you. Whether your desire is to have a more harmonious family, run a top corporation, or both, you'll feel increasing pride as you realize your goals faster than ever before. Surrendering has a way of bringing out the best in us, both as individuals and as wives, which is why it's so worth doing. HOW INTIMATE IS YOUR MARRIAGE? Do you RARELY, SOMETIMES, or FREQUENTLY: 1. Feel superior to your husband? 2. Nag your husband? 3. Commiserate with other wives about your husband? 4. Hear yourself say, "I told my husband..." 5. Think that everything would be fine if your husband w
This Controversial Approach has Transformed Thousands of Relationships, Bringing Women Romance and Intimacy. Like millions of women, Laura Doyle wanted her marriage to be better. But when she tried to get her husband to be more romantic, helpful, and ambitious, he withdrew-and she was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with her man again, she decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it. When Doyle surrendered control, something magical happened. The union she had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed her was back. The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage to revitalize intimacy. Compassionate and practical, The Surrendered Wife is a step-by-step guide that teaches women how to: * Give up unnecessary control and responsibility * Express their needs while also respecting their husband's choices * Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle, or dismiss their husbands * Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage-from sexual to financial ... And more. The Surrendered Wife will show you how to transform a lonely marriage into a passionate union.
Doyle is a freelance writer, feminist, and former shrew. She is a distinguished lecturer, consultant, and workshop leader.