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Anger (1989)

Carol Tavris

Anger (1989)

Carol Tavris

$29.99

Paperback
"This landmark book" "(San Francisco Chronicle)" dispels the common myths about the causes and uses of anger -- for example, that expressing anger is always good for you, that suppressing anger is always unhealthy, or that women have special "anger problems" that men do not. Dr. Carol Tavris expertly examines every facet of that fascinating emotion -- from genetics to stress to the rage for justice. ^ Fully revised and updated, "Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion" now includes: ^ * A new consideration of biological politics: Should testosterone or PMS excuse rotten tempers or aggressive actions?^ * The five conditions under which anger is likely to be effective -- and when it's not.^ * Strategies for solving specific anger problems -- chronic anger, dealing with difficult people, repeated family battles, anger after divorce or victimization, and aggressive children.

- Publisher Chapter 1 Rage and Reason -- an Eternal Ambivalence Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 They have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation. Deuteronomy 32:21 On the train to Brindavan a Swami sits beside a common man who asks him if indeed he has attained self-mastery, as the name "Swami" implies. "I have," says the Swami. "And have you mastered anger?" "I have." "Do you mean to say that you have mastered anger?" "I have." "You mean you can control your anger?" "I can." "And you do not feel anger." "I do not." "Is this the truth, Swami?" "It is." After a silence the man asks again, "Do you really feel that you have controlled your anger?" "I have, as I told you," the Swami answers. "Then do you mean to say, you never feel anger, even --" "You are going on and on -- what do you want?" the Swami shouts. "Are you a fool? When I have told you --" "Oh, Swami, this is anger. You have not mas --" "Ah, but I have," the Swami interrupts. "Have you not heard about the abused snake? Let me tell you a story. "On a path that went by a village in Bengal, there lived a cobra who used to bite people on their way to worship at the temple there. As the incidents increased, everyone became fearful, and many refused to go to the temple. The Swami who was the master at the temple was aware of the problem and took it upon himself to put an end to it. Taking himself to where the snake dwelt, he used a mantram to call the snake to him and bring it into submission. The Swami then said to the snake that it was wrong to bite the people who walked along the path to worship and made him promise sincerely that he would never do it again. Soon it happened that the snake was seen by a passerby upon the path, and it made no move to bite him. Then it became known that the snake had somehow been made passive and people grew unafraid. It was not long before the village boys were dragging the poor snake along behind them as they ran laughing here and there. When the temple Swami passed that way again he called the snake to see if he had kept his promise. The snake humbly and miserably approached the Swami, who exclaimed, 'You are bleeding. Tell me how this has come to be.' The snake was near tears and blurted out that he had been abused ever since he was caused to make his promise to the Swami. "'I told you not to bite,' said the Swami, 'but I did not tell you not to hiss.'" Rolling Thunder Many people, like the Swami's cobra, confuse the hiss with the bite. It is an understandable mistake, for ambivalence about anger permeates our society. Once thought to be a destructive emotion that should be suppressed at all costs, anger is now widely thought to be a healthy emotion that costs too much when it is suppressed. In the abrupt transition from Puritan restraint to liberated self-expression, many people are uncertain about how to behave: Some overreact angrily at every thwarted wish, others suffer injustice in silence. We are told in one breath not to rock the boat, and in the next that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some people take a dose of anger like a purgative, to cleanse the system; others dread any ripple on their natural placidity and fear the loss of control that the demon anger, like the demon rum, might bring. One friend of mine, a forty-year-old businesswoman, illustrates perfectly our culture's conflict about anger. She won't express feelings of ire, she said, unless she is really "boiling." "What do you fear about expressing anger?" I asked. "Retaliation -- I don't want that. Or open warfare -- very frightening. There's a fear that once you start screaming at people you'll end up like one of those hollerers on Forty-second Stree

- Publisher Tavris' "landmark book" (San Francisco Chronicle) dispels the common myths about anger and includes a brand-new chapter on strategies for specific anger scenarios.

- Publisher

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About "Anger (1989)"

"This landmark book" "(San Francisco Chronicle)" dispels the common myths about the causes and uses of anger -- for example, that expressing anger is always good for you, that suppressing anger is always unhealthy, or that women have special "anger problems" that men do not. Dr. Carol Tavris expertly examines every facet of that fascinating emotion -- from genetics to stress to the rage for justice. ^ Fully revised and updated, "Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion" now includes: ^ * A new consideration of biological politics: Should testosterone or PMS excuse rotten tempers or aggressive actions?^ * The five conditions under which anger is likely to be effective -- and when it's not.^ * Strategies for solving specific anger problems -- chronic anger, dealing with difficult people, repeated family battles, anger after divorce or victimization, and aggressive children.
- Publisher

Chapter 1 Rage and Reason -- an Eternal Ambivalence Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 They have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation. Deuteronomy 32:21 On the train to Brindavan a Swami sits beside a common man who asks him if indeed he has attained self-mastery, as the name "Swami" implies. "I have," says the Swami. "And have you mastered anger?" "I have." "Do you mean to say that you have mastered anger?" "I have." "You mean you can control your anger?" "I can." "And you do not feel anger." "I do not." "Is this the truth, Swami?" "It is." After a silence the man asks again, "Do you really feel that you have controlled your anger?" "I have, as I told you," the Swami answers. "Then do you mean to say, you never feel anger, even --" "You are going on and on -- what do you want?" the Swami shouts. "Are you a fool? When I have told you --" "Oh, Swami, this is anger. You have not mas --" "Ah, but I have," the Swami interrupts. "Have you not heard about the abused snake? Let me tell you a story. "On a path that went by a village in Bengal, there lived a cobra who used to bite people on their way to worship at the temple there. As the incidents increased, everyone became fearful, and many refused to go to the temple. The Swami who was the master at the temple was aware of the problem and took it upon himself to put an end to it. Taking himself to where the snake dwelt, he used a mantram to call the snake to him and bring it into submission. The Swami then said to the snake that it was wrong to bite the people who walked along the path to worship and made him promise sincerely that he would never do it again. Soon it happened that the snake was seen by a passerby upon the path, and it made no move to bite him. Then it became known that the snake had somehow been made passive and people grew unafraid. It was not long before the village boys were dragging the poor snake along behind them as they ran laughing here and there. When the temple Swami passed that way again he called the snake to see if he had kept his promise. The snake humbly and miserably approached the Swami, who exclaimed, 'You are bleeding. Tell me how this has come to be.' The snake was near tears and blurted out that he had been abused ever since he was caused to make his promise to the Swami. "'I told you not to bite,' said the Swami, 'but I did not tell you not to hiss.'" Rolling Thunder Many people, like the Swami's cobra, confuse the hiss with the bite. It is an understandable mistake, for ambivalence about anger permeates our society. Once thought to be a destructive emotion that should be suppressed at all costs, anger is now widely thought to be a healthy emotion that costs too much when it is suppressed. In the abrupt transition from Puritan restraint to liberated self-expression, many people are uncertain about how to behave: Some overreact angrily at every thwarted wish, others suffer injustice in silence. We are told in one breath not to rock the boat, and in the next that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some people take a dose of anger like a purgative, to cleanse the system; others dread any ripple on their natural placidity and fear the loss of control that the demon anger, like the demon rum, might bring. One friend of mine, a forty-year-old businesswoman, illustrates perfectly our culture's conflict about anger. She won't express feelings of ire, she said, unless she is really "boiling." "What do you fear about expressing anger?" I asked. "Retaliation -- I don't want that. Or open warfare -- very frightening. There's a fear that once you start screaming at people you'll end up like one of those hollerers on Forty-second Stree
- Publisher

Tavris' "landmark book" (San Francisco Chronicle) dispels the common myths about anger and includes a brand-new chapter on strategies for specific anger scenarios.
- Publisher

Meet the Author

Carol Tavris

CAROL TAVRIS is a social psychologist and author of Anger and The Mismeasure of Woman. She has written for the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.

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Product Details

Product Details
  • Catalogue Code 62251
  • Product Code 0671675230
  • EAN 9780671675233
  • Pages 383
  • Department General Books
  • Category Christian Living
  • Sub-Category General
  • Publisher Simon & Schuster
  • Publication Date Dec 1989
  • Dimensions 213 x 139 x 27 mm
  • Weight 0.348kg

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