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Boundaries Face to Face

Henry CloudJohn Townsend

Boundaries Face to Face

Henry CloudJohn Townsend

$34.99

Hardback
Boundaries Face to FaceCopyright 2003 by Henry Cloud and John TownsendThis title is also available as a Zondervan audio product.Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information.Requests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataCloud, Henry.Boundaries face to face : how to have that difficult conversationyou''ve been avoiding / Henry Cloud and John Townsend.-1st ed.p. cm.ISBN 0-310-22152-81. Conflict management-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Conversation-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Oral communication-Religious aspects-Christianity. 4. Interpersonal conflict-Religious aspects. 5. Interpersonalrelations-Religious aspects. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title.BV4597.53.C58C59 2003158.2-dc22200301562This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: NewInternational Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Italics in Scripture quotations areadded by the authors for emphasis.Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation.The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you.These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part ofZondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy,recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the priorpermission of the publisher.Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000,Literary Agent, Orange, CA.Interior design by Beth ShagenePrinted in the United States of America03 04 05 06 07 08 09 /? DC/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1We never foresaw how well our book Boundaries: When to SayYes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life was going to do.Although we knew through our clinical work that many peopleidentify with the need to regain control of their lives, we had noidea how widespread that need was. Almost everyone feels theneed for better boundaries at one time or another.Sometimes we need to deal with a difficult person in a relationship,such as a controller, a manipulator, or someone who isirresponsible or even abusive. At other times we need to figureout what demands of life to say no to so we won''t overextendourselves. At still other times we need to work out better patternsof intimacy and relatedness in a good relationship, or takea stand for our values in a difficult one. Still other times, wemight need to keep someone from taking over more of our time,energy, and resources than we would like to give. There aremany, many different contexts of life in which we need to exercisegood boundaries. For people who care, setting those boundariescan be tough. So it really is no surprise that Boundaries hasfound such a ready audience.As a result of the book''s following, we find ourselves speakingto tens of thousands of people directly every year and literallymillions through our radio program. When we talk to people, the themeof dealing with difficult relationships continues to surface. Resolvingrelational issues is always on the forefront of people''s minds.As we answer questions, we find ourselves continually telling peoplethat they should have a direct conversation with the person with whomthey have the problem. They repeatedly say either "I''ve tried that, andit didn''t work" or "How would I do that?" Either they have tried andfound themselves overpowered or outmaneuvered, or they just don''tknow how to broach such a conversation. So we often tell them to roleplaywith us. We say, "You be him or her a

- Publisher A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable---even dangerous---situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don't know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We're afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.* Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life* Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships* Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation* Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation* Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack* Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and moreFrom the BookSometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula. Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue. Here's an example.Joe: 'I can't believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That's pretty hypocritical.'You: 'I understand it's hard for you to see, and I'm glad you meant it as a joke and weren't trying to be hurtful. What I'm telling you, though, and what I don't want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don't want to be talked to like that.'

- Publisher

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About "Boundaries Face to Face"

Boundaries Face to FaceCopyright 2003 by Henry Cloud and John TownsendThis title is also available as a Zondervan audio product.Visit www.zondervan.com/audiopages for more information.Requests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataCloud, Henry.Boundaries face to face : how to have that difficult conversationyou''ve been avoiding / Henry Cloud and John Townsend.-1st ed.p. cm.ISBN 0-310-22152-81. Conflict management-Religious aspects-Christianity. 2. Conversation-Religious aspects-Christianity. 3. Oral communication-Religious aspects-Christianity. 4. Interpersonal conflict-Religious aspects. 5. Interpersonalrelations-Religious aspects. I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952- II. Title.BV4597.53.C58C59 2003158.2-dc22200301562This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: NewInternational Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Italics in Scripture quotations areadded by the authors for emphasis.Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation.The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you.These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part ofZondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy,recording, or any other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the priorpermission of the publisher.Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000,Literary Agent, Orange, CA.Interior design by Beth ShagenePrinted in the United States of America03 04 05 06 07 08 09 /? DC/ 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1We never foresaw how well our book Boundaries: When to SayYes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life was going to do.Although we knew through our clinical work that many peopleidentify with the need to regain control of their lives, we had noidea how widespread that need was. Almost everyone feels theneed for better boundaries at one time or another.Sometimes we need to deal with a difficult person in a relationship,such as a controller, a manipulator, or someone who isirresponsible or even abusive. At other times we need to figureout what demands of life to say no to so we won''t overextendourselves. At still other times we need to work out better patternsof intimacy and relatedness in a good relationship, or takea stand for our values in a difficult one. Still other times, wemight need to keep someone from taking over more of our time,energy, and resources than we would like to give. There aremany, many different contexts of life in which we need to exercisegood boundaries. For people who care, setting those boundariescan be tough. So it really is no surprise that Boundaries hasfound such a ready audience.As a result of the book''s following, we find ourselves speakingto tens of thousands of people directly every year and literallymillions through our radio program. When we talk to people, the themeof dealing with difficult relationships continues to surface. Resolvingrelational issues is always on the forefront of people''s minds.As we answer questions, we find ourselves continually telling peoplethat they should have a direct conversation with the person with whomthey have the problem. They repeatedly say either "I''ve tried that, andit didn''t work" or "How would I do that?" Either they have tried andfound themselves overpowered or outmaneuvered, or they just don''tknow how to broach such a conversation. So we often tell them to roleplaywith us. We say, "You be him or her a
- Publisher

A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable---even dangerous---situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don't know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We're afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.* Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life* Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships* Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation* Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation* Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack* Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and moreFrom the BookSometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula. Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue. Here's an example.Joe: 'I can't believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That's pretty hypocritical.'You: 'I understand it's hard for you to see, and I'm glad you meant it as a joke and weren't trying to be hurtful. What I'm telling you, though, and what I don't want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don't want to be talked to like that.'
- Publisher

Meet the Authors

Henry Cloud

Dr. Cloud is a clinical psychologist with a unique ability to connect with his audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy-to-understand, practical advice. It is Dr. Cloud's humour, compassion, and 'in the moment' confrontation that make his approach to psychology and spirituality such a success.

He has written or co-written 19 books, including the best-selling Boundaries. His most recent books are Integrity, Necessary Endings and The Law of Happiness. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.

Dr. Cloud has appeared on numerous radio and television broadcasts and has been featured in many publications. Millions of listeners have benefited from his wit and wisdom for over a decade.

As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, he has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships - marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.

In his consulting practice, he works with leaders of organisations and corporations, from family-held firms to Fortune 25 companies and non-profit organisations. With his extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organisational and leadership consultant, he speaks regularly at corporate and leadership events held across the United States and internationally.

Dr. Cloud co-founded a health-care company that operated treatment centres in 35 cities in the Western United States; he served as Clinical Co-Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he researched and developed many of the treatment methods and principles he communicates to audiences today. Since then, he has devoted his time to spreading principles of hope and life change through speaking, writing, and the media. His books have sold over four million copies.

He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, having earned a BS in psychology with honours. He completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as Third World missions and development. He serves on the board of the Los Angeles Mission, a rescue mission on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles.

Dr. Cloud is an avid golfer and enjoys boating, deep sea fishing and scuba diving. He lives in Los Angeles.

John Townsend

Dr. John Townsend (Psy.D., Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology) is a psychologist, popular speaker, radio host and the bestselling author and co-author of numerous books, including the Gold Medallion award-winning Boundaries and God Will Make a Way. He is co-founder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic in Southern California.

Table Of Contents

  • Contents Why Another Boundaries Book?...9 Part I Why You Need To Have That Difficult Conversation Chapter 1 The Talk Can Change Your Life...15 Chapter 2 The Benefits Of A Good Conversation...20 Part Ii The Essentials Of A Good Conversation Chapter 3 Be Emotionally Present...33 Chapter 4 Be Clear About "you" And "i"...36 Chapter 5 Clarify The Problem...39 Chapter 6 Balance Grace And Truth...42 Chapter 7 Stay On Task...45 Chapter 8 Use The Formula, When You Do "a," I Feel "b"...49 Chapter 9 Affirm And Validate...52 Chapter 10 Apologize For Your Part In The Problem...57 Chapter 11 Avoid "shoulds"...60 Chapter 12 Be An Agent For Change...64 Chapter 13 Be Specific...67 Chapter 14 Differentiate Between Forgiving And Trusting...71 Part Iii Seeing How It's Done Chapter 15 Telling People What You Want...77 Chapter 16 Making Someone Aware Of A Problem...97 Chapter 17 Stopping A Behavior...118 Chapter 18 Dealing With Blame, Counterattack, And Other Problems...146 Part Iv Getting Yourself Ready To Have The Conversation Chapter 19 Why You Need To Be Ready...169 Chapter 20 How To Get Ready...174 Part V Having The Difficult Conversation With People In Your Life Chapter 21 With Your Spouse...191 Chapter 22 With Someone You're Dating...202 Chapter 23 With Your Child...214 Chapter 24 With Your Parent...224 Chapter 25 With Adult Children...235 Chapter 26 At Work...243 Chapter 27 With People In Authority...254 Speaking The Truth In Love...265

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Product Details

Product Details
  • Catalogue Code 200770
  • Product Code 0310221528
  • EAN 9780310221524
  • UPC 025986221522
  • Pages 272
  • Department General Books
  • Category Christian Living
  • Sub-Category General
  • Publisher Zondervan
  • Publication Date Oct 2003
  • Dimensions 235 x 158 x 24 mm
  • Weight 0.503kg

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