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How We Love

Kay YerkovichMilan Yerkovich

How We Love

Kay YerkovichMilan Yerkovich

$28.99

Hardback
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Are you tired of arguing with your spouse over the same old issues? Do you dream of a marriage with less conflict and more intimacy? Are you struggling under a load of resentment? ^The key to creating a deeper bond in your marriage ^may lie buried in your childhood. ^Your early life experiences create an "intimacy imprint"-an underlying blueprint that shapes your behavior, beliefs, and expectations of all future relationships, especially your marriage. In "How We Love," relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you pinpoint the reason your marriage is struggling-and they reveal exactly what you can do about it. ^Drawing on the powerful tool of attachment theory, the Yerkoviches identify four types of injured imprints that combine in marriage to trap couples in a repetitive dance of pain. As you discover how your relationship has been guided by these imprints, you'll gain the insights you need to stop stepping on each other's toes and instead allow yourselves to be

- Publisher Why Every Marriage Gets Stuck If we all naturally knewhowto love, this book would be unnecessary, and Milan and I would each be out of a job as counselors. All of us who have been married more than a few years will admit it is a bit more challenging than we anticipated on our wedding day. Every marriage has nagging problems calling for our attention. Many people end up thinking their relationship is difficult because they married the wrong person. But the fact that many people are on to their second and third marriages proves that no marriage is tension free. Sometimes our marriages seem to run fairly smoothlyuntil we hit a crisis or face difficult circumstances. Stress always makes underlying problems more apparent. Over the years many couples have come to us for help with their problems. We routinely ask several questions no matter what situation they describe. Recently, for instance, Hannah and Robert came in for their initial session. I asked them what Milan and I ask all the couples we see in our offices: "Tell me about the chronic irritations in your relationship. Perhaps it's the same old fight that never gets resolved. Maybe it's a pattern of relating that occurs again and again. Where do you get stuck?" Hannah looked at Robert, and they laughed. "That's easy," she smiled. "It happened in the car on the drive to your office. I'm always the one bringing up the problems, so Robert is always telling me I am controlling. I was mad at him because he didn't know what he wanted to talk about in our counseling session. He's too passive. I want him to initiate more and try harder." Robert chimed in, "I do try. It's just never enough for you, Hannah." Hannah looked at me. "See? Now he will pout and withdraw, and nothing will get resolved." I summarized, "So no matter what problem you want to discuss, this is your same old dance, the pattern that happens over and over. Is that correct?" Robert and Hannah both nodded. They had pinpointed their core pattern. Some couples who are just dating can already describe their core pattern. A core pattern is the predicable way you and your spouse react to each other that leaves each of you frustrated and dissatisfied. Some are married a few years before it is apparent but sooner or later couples can readily identify the same old place when they get stuck. Maybe it's the same complaints that come up again and again without every getting resolved or a familiar pattern of fighting, no matter what the topic. Milan and I are no different. We were married in 1972, and by 1976 we had discovered the classic scene that would play itself out over and over for ten more years of our marriage. We had just put the kids to bed and collapsed on the couch. I picked up a magazine and began to thumb through it, and Milan sat quietly watching me. This was a familiar feeling; I knew he was taking my emotional temperature. I was hoping he would pick up the remote and turn on the television. "How are you doing? Did you have a good day?" he asked. I could feel myself getting annoyed. "Why do you keep asking me that? You already asked me that question two times since you came home from work. It's the same answer: I'm fine." We were starting the wearisome dance that would send us both to bed angry and frustrated. I tried to derail the invitation. "I think there is a game on TV tonight." Milan was undeterred. "If you're fine, then why did it bother you when I hugged and kissed you when I came home from work? I'm happy to see you, and you act like it's a chore to give me a little affection. You have been distant all evening. What's going

- Publisher
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About "How We Love"

Are you tired of arguing with your spouse over the same old issues? Do you dream of a marriage with less conflict and more intimacy? Are you struggling under a load of resentment? ^The key to creating a deeper bond in your marriage ^may lie buried in your childhood. ^Your early life experiences create an "intimacy imprint"-an underlying blueprint that shapes your behavior, beliefs, and expectations of all future relationships, especially your marriage. In "How We Love," relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich help you pinpoint the reason your marriage is struggling-and they reveal exactly what you can do about it. ^Drawing on the powerful tool of attachment theory, the Yerkoviches identify four types of injured imprints that combine in marriage to trap couples in a repetitive dance of pain. As you discover how your relationship has been guided by these imprints, you'll gain the insights you need to stop stepping on each other's toes and instead allow yourselves to be
- Publisher

Why Every Marriage Gets Stuck If we all naturally knewhowto love, this book would be unnecessary, and Milan and I would each be out of a job as counselors. All of us who have been married more than a few years will admit it is a bit more challenging than we anticipated on our wedding day. Every marriage has nagging problems calling for our attention. Many people end up thinking their relationship is difficult because they married the wrong person. But the fact that many people are on to their second and third marriages proves that no marriage is tension free. Sometimes our marriages seem to run fairly smoothlyuntil we hit a crisis or face difficult circumstances. Stress always makes underlying problems more apparent. Over the years many couples have come to us for help with their problems. We routinely ask several questions no matter what situation they describe. Recently, for instance, Hannah and Robert came in for their initial session. I asked them what Milan and I ask all the couples we see in our offices: "Tell me about the chronic irritations in your relationship. Perhaps it's the same old fight that never gets resolved. Maybe it's a pattern of relating that occurs again and again. Where do you get stuck?" Hannah looked at Robert, and they laughed. "That's easy," she smiled. "It happened in the car on the drive to your office. I'm always the one bringing up the problems, so Robert is always telling me I am controlling. I was mad at him because he didn't know what he wanted to talk about in our counseling session. He's too passive. I want him to initiate more and try harder." Robert chimed in, "I do try. It's just never enough for you, Hannah." Hannah looked at me. "See? Now he will pout and withdraw, and nothing will get resolved." I summarized, "So no matter what problem you want to discuss, this is your same old dance, the pattern that happens over and over. Is that correct?" Robert and Hannah both nodded. They had pinpointed their core pattern. Some couples who are just dating can already describe their core pattern. A core pattern is the predicable way you and your spouse react to each other that leaves each of you frustrated and dissatisfied. Some are married a few years before it is apparent but sooner or later couples can readily identify the same old place when they get stuck. Maybe it's the same complaints that come up again and again without every getting resolved or a familiar pattern of fighting, no matter what the topic. Milan and I are no different. We were married in 1972, and by 1976 we had discovered the classic scene that would play itself out over and over for ten more years of our marriage. We had just put the kids to bed and collapsed on the couch. I picked up a magazine and began to thumb through it, and Milan sat quietly watching me. This was a familiar feeling; I knew he was taking my emotional temperature. I was hoping he would pick up the remote and turn on the television. "How are you doing? Did you have a good day?" he asked. I could feel myself getting annoyed. "Why do you keep asking me that? You already asked me that question two times since you came home from work. It's the same answer: I'm fine." We were starting the wearisome dance that would send us both to bed angry and frustrated. I tried to derail the invitation. "I think there is a game on TV tonight." Milan was undeterred. "If you're fine, then why did it bother you when I hugged and kissed you when I came home from work? I'm happy to see you, and you act like it's a chore to give me a little affection. You have been distant all evening. What's going
- Publisher

Meet the Authors

Kay Yerkovich

Milan Yerkovich is a weekly talk show host on the "New Life Live!" radio program. An ordained pastor with a master's degree in biblical studies, he has been helping couples and families build healthier relationships for more than twenty-five years. Previously a pastoral counselor for The Center for Individual and Family Therapy, Milan now teaches seminars on relationships and intimacy and is cofounder of Relationship 180, a non-profit ministry for Christian leaders and laity. ýKay Yerkovich is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a master's degree in counseling. She has been using

Milan Yerkovich

Milan Yerkovich is a weekly talk show host on the "New Life Live!" radio program. An ordained pastor with a master's degree in biblical studies, he has been helping couples and families build healthier relationships for more than twenty-five years. Previously a pastoral counselor for The Center for Individual and Family Therapy, Milan now teaches seminars on relationships and intimacy and is cofounder of Relationship 180, a non-profit ministry for Christian leaders and laity. ýKay Yerkovich is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a master's degree in counseling. She has been using

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Product Details

Product Details
  • Catalogue Code 248559
  • Product Code 1400072980
  • EAN 9781400072989
  • Pages 305
  • Department General Books
  • Category Relationships
  • Sub-Category Love, Sex & Marriage
  • Publisher Waterbrook Press
  • Publication Date Oct 2006
  • Dimensions 236 x 161 x 26 mm
  • Weight 0.531kg

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