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The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring

Les ParrottLeslie Parrott

The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring

Les ParrottLeslie Parrott

$31.99

Hardback
A comprehensive resource to help churches build a thriving marriage mentoring program Les and Leslie Parrott are passionate about how marriage mentoring can transform couples, families, and entire congregations. The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoringincludes life-changing insights and essential skills for- Preparing engaged and newlywed couples- Maximizing marriages from good to great- Repairing marriages in distressPractical guidelines help mentors and couples work together as a team, agree on outcomes, and develop skills for the marriage mentoring process. Appendixes offer a wealth of additional resources and tools. An exhaustive resource for marriage mentorship in any church setting, this guide also includes insights from interviews with church leaders and marriage mentors from around the country. "The time is ripe for marriage mentoring, and this book is exactly what we need." -- Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships

- Publisher The Complete Guide to Marriage MentoringCopyright 2005 by The Foundation for Healthy RelationshipsRequests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataParrott, Les. The complete guide to marriage mentoring : connecting couples to build better marriages / Les and Leslie Parrott ; foreword by Gary Smalley. - 1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27046-1 ISBN-10: 0-310-27046-4 1. Church work with married people. 2. Mentoring in church work. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964 - II. Title. BV4012.27.P36 2005259''.14 - dc22 2005020701This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.Scripture quotations marked LB are taken from The Living Bible. Copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois. All rights reserved.Some anecdotes in this book are composites of real situations, but names, facts, and issues have been changed to protect confidentiality.The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other - except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000, Literary Agent, Orange, CA.Interior design by Beth ShagenePrinted in the United States of AmericaPART ONEThe BIG PICTURE on MARRIAGE MENTORINGWisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing.ECCLESIASTES 7:11Can you imagine giving an inheritance to another couple - a couple not related to you? It''s an unusual gift, indeed, but that''s exactly what you''ll be doing as a marriage mentor. As you pour your wisdom into another couple who has not yet traveled the distance you have in your own marriage, you''ll impart an invaluable gift that this couple would never receive on their own. That''s why we''re thrilled at the thought of your interest in marriage mentoring. We also believe you''ll find it to be one of the most rewarding activities your marriage will ever enjoy.Before we reveal the fringe benefits to your own relationship however (see chapter 4), we want to be sure you begin this journey with the big picture in view. So, we''ll explain exactly what we mean by marriage mentoring, show you what the role entails, and clue you in to how you can avoid the common mistakes some beginning marriage mentors make.WHAT MARRIAGE MENTORING IS AND ISN''TMentoring is a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on, and a kick in the pants.JOHN C. CROSBYEven though Rodger and Lynne Schmidt had their sights set on going to Africa as missionaries, they still struggled. "Is this really something we should be doing?" they were asking themselves.Erik Johnson tells their story in an article he wrote for Leadership Journal.1 "At the same time in the same city, another couple was also wrestling with their call, though from the other end of a missionary career. Now retired, this couple was asking, ''After forty-one years as missionaries in Africa, who are we? Our home and life work are on another continent. What is our life all about?''"A mentoring program at Denver Seminary brought these two couples together. And it was a great match. Through this mentoring relationship, the Schmidts'' call was confirmed, and the retired couple discovered a profound sense of significance in their new role as mentors. "We felt encouraged, they felt validated," notes R

- Publisher

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About "The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring"

A comprehensive resource to help churches build a thriving marriage mentoring program Les and Leslie Parrott are passionate about how marriage mentoring can transform couples, families, and entire congregations. The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoringincludes life-changing insights and essential skills for- Preparing engaged and newlywed couples- Maximizing marriages from good to great- Repairing marriages in distressPractical guidelines help mentors and couples work together as a team, agree on outcomes, and develop skills for the marriage mentoring process. Appendixes offer a wealth of additional resources and tools. An exhaustive resource for marriage mentorship in any church setting, this guide also includes insights from interviews with church leaders and marriage mentors from around the country. "The time is ripe for marriage mentoring, and this book is exactly what we need." -- Gary Smalley, author of The DNA of Relationships
- Publisher

The Complete Guide to Marriage MentoringCopyright 2005 by The Foundation for Healthy RelationshipsRequests for information should be addressed to:Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataParrott, Les. The complete guide to marriage mentoring : connecting couples to build better marriages / Les and Leslie Parrott ; foreword by Gary Smalley. - 1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN-13: 978-0-310-27046-1 ISBN-10: 0-310-27046-4 1. Church work with married people. 2. Mentoring in church work. I. Parrott, Leslie L., 1964 - II. Title. BV4012.27.P36 2005259''.14 - dc22 2005020701This edition printed on acid-free paper.All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.Scripture quotations marked LB are taken from The Living Bible. Copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois. All rights reserved.Some anecdotes in this book are composites of real situations, but names, facts, and issues have been changed to protect confidentiality.The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book.All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other - except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000, Literary Agent, Orange, CA.Interior design by Beth ShagenePrinted in the United States of AmericaPART ONEThe BIG PICTURE on MARRIAGE MENTORINGWisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing.ECCLESIASTES 7:11Can you imagine giving an inheritance to another couple - a couple not related to you? It''s an unusual gift, indeed, but that''s exactly what you''ll be doing as a marriage mentor. As you pour your wisdom into another couple who has not yet traveled the distance you have in your own marriage, you''ll impart an invaluable gift that this couple would never receive on their own. That''s why we''re thrilled at the thought of your interest in marriage mentoring. We also believe you''ll find it to be one of the most rewarding activities your marriage will ever enjoy.Before we reveal the fringe benefits to your own relationship however (see chapter 4), we want to be sure you begin this journey with the big picture in view. So, we''ll explain exactly what we mean by marriage mentoring, show you what the role entails, and clue you in to how you can avoid the common mistakes some beginning marriage mentors make.WHAT MARRIAGE MENTORING IS AND ISN''TMentoring is a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on, and a kick in the pants.JOHN C. CROSBYEven though Rodger and Lynne Schmidt had their sights set on going to Africa as missionaries, they still struggled. "Is this really something we should be doing?" they were asking themselves.Erik Johnson tells their story in an article he wrote for Leadership Journal.1 "At the same time in the same city, another couple was also wrestling with their call, though from the other end of a missionary career. Now retired, this couple was asking, ''After forty-one years as missionaries in Africa, who are we? Our home and life work are on another continent. What is our life all about?''"A mentoring program at Denver Seminary brought these two couples together. And it was a great match. Through this mentoring relationship, the Schmidts'' call was confirmed, and the retired couple discovered a profound sense of significance in their new role as mentors. "We felt encouraged, they felt validated," notes R
- Publisher

Meet the Authors

Les Parrott

Les Parrott is founder of the Centre for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University and the best-selling author of HIGH-MAINTENANCE RELATIONSHIPS, THE CONTROL FREAK, and LOVE TALK. Dr. Parrott is a sought after speaker to Fortune 500 companies and holds relationship seminars across North America. He also hosts the US national radio broadcast 'Love Talk.' Dr Parrott has been featured in 'USA Today', 'the Wall Street Journal', and 'the New York Times'. His television appearances include CNN, Good Morning America, and Oprah.- Publisher.

Leslie Parrott

Dr. Leslie Parrott is a marriage and family therapist and codirector with her husband, Dr. Les Parrott, of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. She is the author of God Made You Nose to Toes and The First Drop of Rain, and co-author with her husband of several bestselling books, including The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring, Relationships, Love Talk, and the Gold Medallion Award-winner, Saving Your Marriage before It Starts. Leslie is a columnist for Today's Christian Woman and has been featured on Oprah, CBS Morning, CNN, and The View, and in USA Today and the New York Times. www.RealRelationships.com
Koorong -Editorial Review.

Table Of Contents

  • Contents
  • Foreword By Gary Smalley...11
  • Acknowledgments...13
  • A Personal Word To Marriage Mentors...15
  • A Personal Word To Pastors...17
  • Introduction: The Sleeping Giant In The Church...19
  • Part One:
  • The Big Picture On Marriage Mentoring
  • 1. What Marriage Mentoring Is And Isn't...27
  • 2. Can Anyone Be A Marriage Mentor?...35
  • 3. Common Pitfalls Of Beginning Marriage Mentors...43
  • 4. The Boomerang Effect Of Marriage Mentoring...51
  • Part Two:
  • The Marriage Mentoring Triad
  • 5. Preparing: Mentoring Engaged And Newlywed Couples...57
  • 6. Maximizing: Mentoring Couples From Good To Great...73
  • 7. Repairing: Mentoring Couples In Distress...87
  • Part Three:
  • The Essential Skills For Marriage Mentoring
  • 8. Building Rapport...99
  • 9. Walking In Another Couple's Shoes...105
  • 10. Working As A Team...113
  • 11. Agreeing On Outcomes...119
  • 12. Asking Meaningful Questions...129
  • 13. Listening Aggressively...137
  • 14. Fielding Any Question They Throw At You...145
  • 15. Telling Your Stories...151
  • 16. Praying Together...159
  • 17. Staying Sharp And Refreshed...165
  • 18. Being Yourself And Going With The Flow...175
  • A Final Thought...183
  • Appendixes For Marriage Mentors
  • 1. Common Subjects To Explore With Your Marriage Mentorees...187
  • 2. What You Will Find For Marriage Mentors At Www.realrelationships.com...189
  • 3. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts:a Tool For Mentoring Engaged And Newlywed Couples...190
  • 4. Love Talk: A Tool For Mentoring Couples From Good To Great...192
  • 5. Your Time-starved Marriage:a Tool For Mentoring Couples From Good To Great...194
  • 6. I Love You More: A Tool For Mentoring Couples In Distress...196
  • 7. How Does Evangelism Factor Into Marriage Mentoring?...197
  • 8. Spotting Red Flags: When To Refer The Mentoree Couple...199
  • Appendixes For Pastors And Marriage Mentor Leaders
  • 9. What Every Pastor Needs To Know Aboutstarting A Marriage Mentoring Ministry...207
  • 10. Volunteers And The Local Church...213
  • 11. How To Use The Marriage Mentoring Dvd Kit To Train Mentors...218
  • 12. Structure For A Marriage Mentor Ministry...219
  • 13. Marriage Mentor Application Form...221
  • 14. Marriage Mentoree Application Form...222
  • 15. Marriage Mentor Meeting Report Form For The Mentoree Couple...223
  • 16. Marriage Mentor Meeting Report Form For The Mentor Couple...224
  • 17. Two Samples Of Marriage Preparation Policies...225
  • Notes...229
  • Index...233

Excerpt

Excerpt from: The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring

PART ONE The BIG PICTURE on MARRIAGE MENTORING Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing. ECCLESIASTES 7:11 Can you imagine giving an inheritance to another couple --- a couple not related to you? It's an unusual gift, indeed, but that's exactly what you'll be doing as a marriage mentor. As you pour your wisdom into another couple who has not yet traveled the distance you have in your own marriage, you'll impart an invaluable gift that this couple would never receive on their own. That's why we're thrilled at the thought of your interest in marriage mentoring. We also believe you'll find it to be one of the most rewarding activities your marriage will ever enjoy. Before we reveal the fringe benefits to your own relationship however (see chapter 4), we want to be sure you begin this journey with the big picture in view. So, we'll explain exactly what we mean by marriage mentoring, show you what the role entails, and clue you in to how you can avoid the common mistakes some beginning marriage mentors make. WHAT MARRIAGE MENTORING IS AND ISN'T Mentoring is a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on, and a kick in the pants. JOHN C. CROSBY Even though Rodger and Lynne Schmidt had their sights set on going to Africa as missionaries, they still struggled. 'Is this really something we should be doing?' they were asking themselves. Erik Johnson tells their story in an article he wrote for Leadership Jour nal.1 'At the same time in the same city, another couple was also wrestling with their call, though from the other end of a missionary career. Now retired, this couple was asking, 'After forty-one years as missionaries in Africa, who are we? Our home and life work are on another continent. What is our life all about?'' A mentoring program at Denver Seminary brought these two couples together. And it was a great match. Through this mentoring relationship, the Schmidts' call was confirmed, and the retired couple discovered a pro found sense of significance in their new role as mentors. 'We felt encour aged, they felt validated,' notes Rodger Schmidt. And so go the benefits of mentoring. In this chapter we begin by touching on the immense need for mentors in today's culture. From there we ask what is a mentor in general and then we get specific by exploring exactly what marriage mentoring is and isn't. Finally, we attempt to define the mentoring relationship itself. TODAY'S NEED FOR MENTORS Why do the trades have apprenticeships and professions require intern ships? Because personal attention from experienced practitioners helps learners master essential skills, techniques, attitudes, and knowledge. In every culture throughout human history, mentoring has been the primary means of passing on knowledge and skills. In the past, mentoring took place in the university where a student learned directly from the scholar. It took place in the studio where the artist poured himself into the formation of his proteges. The Bible is certainly filled with examples of mentoring: Eli and Samuel, Elijah and Eli sha, Moses and Joshua, Naomi and Ruth, Eliz abeth and Mary, Barnabas and Paul, Paul and Timothy. And, of course, Jesus and the disci ples is a supreme example of mentoring. Down through the centuries, young people have learned most through careful observation of those more experienced. Up until recently, mentor ing was a way of life between the generations. But today, mentoring, for the most part, is in short supply. Mentoring was once assumed, expected, and therefore, almost unnoticed because of its commonness. But in the modern age, the learning process has shifted. It now relies primarily on computers, classrooms, books, and media. In most cases today, the rela tional connection between the knowledge-and-experience giver and the receiver has weakened or is nonexistent. The time has come to bring back the fine art of mentoring. WHAT IS A MENTOR? Does mentoring's near disappearance mean it is no longer helpful? Abso lutely not. Ask any successful leader and he or she will tell you: a young person starting out in a career, for example, will benefit greatly from a mentor --- an older, experienced person who knows the ropes and will teach a protege how things are done. Here's a pop quiz question: A mentor is . . . a) A model b) An encourager c) An imparter of knowledge d) All of the above The answer is 'd.' A mentor may wear many different hats but the one thing that all mentors share is the ability to listen and encourage. A men tor is 'a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction,' according to the Uncommon Individual Foundation, an organization devoted to mentoring research and training. It reports that mentoring is one of the most powerful tools we have for influencing human behavior. The term mentor arises from an unlikely source. It first appeared in Homer's classic, The Odyssey, where Odysseus asked a wise man named Mentor to care for his son, Telemachus, while Odysseus was off fighting in the Trojan War. Mentor taught the boy 'not only in book learning but also in the wiles of the world.' The fabled Mentor must have done his job well, because Telemachus grew up to be an enterprising lad who gallantly helped his father recover his kingdom. But mentoring is more than the stuff of legends. A real-life mentor, one who serves as a model and provides individualized help and encourage ment, can be invaluable to a receptive mentoree. Among the most impor tant roles mentors play include: * giving timely information to mentorees * modeling aspects of what they wish to impart * challenging and motivating mentorees to move to higher levels * directing mentorees to helpful resources when needed (sometimes painfully so) * encouraging goodness and inspiring greatness * lessening mentorees' anxiety by normalizing experiences * helping mentorees set goals * keeping mentorees accountable to their goals * providing a periodic review and evaluation of mentorees' performance A word of caution is in order: Mentors can do all of the aforementioned things and still be ineffective. Two dynamics are vital to the success of any mentoring relationship. Without them, all the modeling, challenging, encouraging, goal-setting, and accountability will fall flat. The two critical dynamics are (1) attraction, and (2) responsiveness. Attraction is the starting point in every effective mentoring relation ship. The mentor and the mentoree must be drawn to each other to some degree. If either side is not genuinely interested in the other, true mentor ing will never take place. Along with this attractiveness, the mentoree must be willing and ready to learn from the mentor. Without a responsive attitude and a receptive spirit on the part of the mentoree, little genuine mentoring can occur.

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Product Details

Product Details
  • Catalogue Code 236667
  • Product Code 0310270464
  • EAN 9780310270461
  • UPC 025986270469
  • Pages 240
  • Department General Books
  • Category Relationships
  • Sub-Category Love, Sex & Marriage
  • Publisher Zondervan
  • Publication Date Oct 2005
  • Sales Rank #17355
  • Dimensions 234 x 157 x 22 mm
  • Weight 0.381kg

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